How My Mother Fought, Won, But Ultimately Lost the War Against Hollywood – Part 1

My mother was a devoted patron of religious radio…. which meant… she was constantly reminded of the war Hollywood was waging against the innocent souls of her children.

No TV, No Cry-01

Every movie was a portal to the heathen…

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Every storyline– a lure to the dark side…

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And every cute critter — a demon in disguise…

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Her plan of defense was simple yet effective.

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Our home would be a tv-free home.

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And just like that, the evils of Hollywood were kept at bay.

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And if this were the end of the story, I might have turned out differently. Perhaps even saintly.

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But it’s not. And I’m not.

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Although my mother had won this battle, the war was far from over.

What my mother could not have predicted was the immeasurable and unconditional love Americans have for their television…

…including the God-fearing Americans who attended our church.

Now, my parents were over-achievers when it came to churching. They could church at a moments notice. Our home was a revolving door for prayer meetings, Bible studies and children’s ministry events …like… Harvest Parties.

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Harvest Parties were kinda like Halloween parties – EXCEPT there was absolutely, positively NO Satan worship allowed.

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Not even a little. *

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* Cute Critters = Demons in Disguise….

Like most parties, ours had themes. Themes that ranged from…. “Old Testament Heroes,” to…“Your Favorite Bible Story,” … to…. “The Sanctity of Marriage.”

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However, unlike other parties where you had to find a new costume each year….. our costumes remained the same… year after year: An old terrycloth bathrobe with a beach towel tied around the head.

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Boys always had the best options. So many warriors, heroes, saints, disciples and kings to choose from.

Girls, however, weren’t so ….#blessed.

There just weren’t many female roles left once you removed the woman who caused the downfall of man, the harlots, the seductresses, the liars, the wicked queens, and the horned woman of the apocalypse who gives birth to the devil.

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When the children’s sugar high subsided into a gentle coma, the adults began to look around our home and notice something peculiar….

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SOMETHING… was… MISSING. Something very, VERY important!

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WHY would an American family NOT own a television set??! WHAT in heaven’s name was WRONG…???

There could only be one plausible reason, they summarized: We obviously could not afford one.

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Now, If there’s one thing church folk love — it’s having a ministry where they can provide for the less fortunate.

(…meaning, they totally score a new jewel in their posthumous crowns of glory.)

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(Just don’t confuse their self-less acts as an endorsement for the GOVERNMENT giving to the less fortunate. THAT, my friend, is f*ing socialism… and you will burn in hell for it… along with the rest of the democrats…)

Our church’s group of do-gooders joined hands, opened their pocketbooks and then “loved on us.”

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“Shhhhhh….You don’t have to say anything,…we know… we know…” Was all that was said as a small, second hand television set was ceremoniously shoved under my father’s arm.

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My father tried to protest. (Albeit, half heartedly…he was always a fan of cowboy shows.)

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And just like that, it was official.

The Devil was in our house.

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