How My Mother Fought, Won, But Ultimately Lost the War Against Hollywood – Part 2
“So that’s it…???” You might ask. “You were given a tv, and your mother just waved a flag of surrender…?”
The score was:
Mother – 1
Hollywood – 1
The war was NOT over. We were just in over-time.
My mother treated the new TV the same way she would treat a creepy uncle… it was okay if it told a story or two after dinner… but there was no way in heck she’d leave it alone with her children.
For the first year, my brothers and I thought our TV was an old black and white set. Turns out, we just hadn’t been allowed to watch anything that aired after the 1950’s.
As the years progressed, my mother continued to govern our viewing habits with an iron fist. Like Inspector Gadget’s Dr. Claw, she obsessively hovered over the screen, waiting for her moment to swoop in and obliterate the enemy.
No one was safe from scrutiny.
Not Sesame Street.
Not Scooby Doo.
And especially not Looney Tunes.
I had no idea what “cross-dressing” even meant… or why it was “bad.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Watching a cross-dressing Bugs Bunny will make you gay,” was her answer.
She then told a cautionary tale that had just the right amount of fear and shock to shake Christians to their core.
The story went like this:
A mother noticed her 4 year old son watching a cross-dressing Bugs Bunny… and (naively) didn’t think anything about it.
“He used his bubble bath to give himself feminine features…” his mother gasped.
“And then he just sat there… batting his lashes at me…like I was Elmer Fudd… or something..”
The story was broadcast through various religious news outlets– but this was the first time I had heard it.
Why hadn’t anyone warned me when I was given my older brother’s hand-me-downs…?
Or at least cast a small stone my way when I decided to go as Joseph… instead of Mary… at the church Harvest Party…?
Or when I played a school principal in a church skit… (which could have been a woman… except that we didn’t believe women should have positions of authority….)
It. Just. Didn’t. Make. Sense.
Mother – 1
Hollywood – 2